What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 07:14
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why did i forgive my father ?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
How can you maintain self-control?
But, we were locked up after school.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
What is your secret to glowing skin?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One cannot live in the past .
I don,t even have a pension.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why do many men like women's breasts?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I said to her
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Has your mother ever walked in on you at an inappropriate time?
As i do to all so called friends.?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
What is the reason for writing X^2 as XX instead of X*X?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My family never makes their pension either.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The administration’s anti-consensus Mars plan will fail - SpaceNews
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Put me off passion for life!!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But it wasn’t much.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She loved him until the end.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
What did i know ?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I have no regrets .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Who then, do I blame.?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She married twice! .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was very sick at this time too.
Ive learnt so much.
So, i spoilt her more .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But ive been too sick for many years..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She was in good health!
We all went to grammer schools
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
All the time i was locked up.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Would this be the day?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And i lived it daily.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was 9 years of age.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im still living with it.
I write beautiful poetry .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I could never make a relationship work though!
This is soul school!.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
On the 31st of Jan this month .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She wouldn,t have been !
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I will be 64.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My life is so biszare .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It was going to be , some day.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He knew the spot.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was scared of men, in general
Especially a lifetime of it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Was to survive, this bastard.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She found it foreign!.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
When she asked me how she looked .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was seconnd youngest,
I never cut or harmed myself..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We were not on the streets..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So whats the point in blame.
Comes on , in middle age.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I waited trembling.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I think the readers, may guess!